Losing weight on the Debauchery Diet

“I’m going to be out of town this weekend,” I told Paisley Ann Meekin, my trainer. “And you’re not going to like where.”

It took her only one guess: “Vegas?”

“Vegas.”

“For another weekend of debauchery?” Paisley said. “Why now?”

I explained that I made a promise to a friend a long time ago. The promise was that if he became single again, I would take him to Las Vegas. Not just for a celebration, but to help him clear his mind. He had been in a relationship that was suffering a long slow death. In the past few years, he has committed so much of his time to his significant other that he lost touch with many of his friends. And he was isolated from them, too. It’s a long, complicated story, but we’ll leave it at that.

The problem — if we want to call it that — is that my friend just became single, and is cashing in on the promise during the 10 weeks I’m trying to win a weight loss contest.

Paisley told me she was mildly disappointed I’d picked this weekend to take that promised Vegas trip. I was just there a month ago during Panda Express Week.

“Do you still have the same goals,” she asked me. “What do you want out of this?”

“I want to lose 50 pounds,” I said.

We weighed in this morning and according to her scale my weight hasn’t budged since last week. However, I weighed myself on my own scale this morning and was down to 244.6 pounds, about a two-pound drop from last week. I’m certain that I’m down a little bit.

I fully intend to lose 50 pounds, I told Paisley. But I don’t think it will be as fast as we had once discussed.

“Hey, I’m proud of the fact that I lost 10 pounds in 28 days,” I explained. “And honestly, I’ve been debaucherous four out of the five weekends so far.”

Paisley was a little startled by this fact, and what ensued was a question and answer period about how often I go out, and why. I had a debaucherous Thursday and Friday, and my friends observed that when I’m drunk I like to point at everything and everyone, all the time.

But it’s not that I’m a party ringleader, I explained Paisley. I’ve just had a lot of extraordinary events take place during the Just Lose It! program. Some old grad school friends have come to Portland to visit, I went to the Sundance Film Festival for an extended weekend and I went to the beach with some friends the first weekend. It’s not about alcohol either, I explained.

“You just have a lot of friends in your social circle who like to party, right?” Paisley asked.

“I’ve just decided that I can’t put my life on hold for 10 weeks,” I said. “It’s a choice I’ve made. And look, I’m still losing weight.”

Paisley said she was hoping I’d be losing more weight, and more rapidly. She had hoped that I would have taken the 10 weeks of this program a little more seriously and cut out alcohol all together.

“So are you saying if I go out to the bars on Friday I’m going to put weight back on?” I asked.

“I can’t answer that,” she said.

This whole conversation took place during our workout while I was doing bicep curls and other arm exercises. Paisley made her case, and I spent my time trying to justify my behavior.

“I want you to know I’m still proud of you for what you’re doing,” Paisley told me as she had me down on the ground doing a plank.

I was silent.

“You do understand that, don’t you?” she repeated, as if feeling bad for giving me grief. “I want you to know that I’m still proud of you.”

I was still silent.

I wasn’t ignoring Paisley, it’s just that I’m not in the mood for chatting while she has me in that agonizing plank position.

“You know what I need to tame me,” I said. “I need a girlfriend.”

And with each pound I lose, the odds of finding one improve.

Food Journal (click to view):
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs in whole wheat tortilla, orange.
Snack: Greek yogurt and salt-free cashews.
Lunch: Turkey, salad and sliced bell pepper.
Dinner: Progresso chicken and rice soup.